THE SIXTH, FIRST ANNUAL THATHLOTHLAGUPHKA AWARD ANNOUNCED BY THE CLARION ISSUE

By R. A. Pearson and other staff members

Each year the Clarion Issue presents the Annual Thathlothlaguphka Award. The Thathlothlaguphka Award is a local award for abject stupidity, general idiocy, or total incompetence, given to a local official, body politic, or politically connected contractor or company whose actions have negatively affected the people in the area. The name Thathlothlaguphka comes from the Native American name for the St. Marys River and means “smells like rotten fish.” The Jefferson Muzzle Awards, presented by the Thomas Jefferson Center for the Protection of Free Expression, and the Ig Nobel Prizes, presented by the Harvard Computer Society and the Harvard-Radcliffe Society of Physics Students, and the Darwin Awards have served as the models for the Clarion Issue’s Thathlothlaguphka Award.

The winner receives a Thathlothlaguphka Award certificate, a Clarion Issue bar stick, an I HATE THE CLARION ISSUE tee shirt, a $25 bar tab from The Island Bar and Grill on Hwy 40, and a $25 lunch from Lucky Dawgs, Love At First Bite, on Point Peter Rd. We thank our sponsors for their support in the presentation of this prestigious award.

This year’s winner is …. The Camden County Board of Assessors! Hardly a surprise, in view of the recent County Commission vote to initiate an investigation of their activities.

After almost two years of dramatic devaluation of almost all real property, defaults and foreclosures, the Assessors seem to think Camden County was spared. There are so many protests over the inflated valuations that the entire Tax Digest is threatened. To make matters worse, the Assessors sent out “preliminary” valuations which were even worse inflated, presumably thinking tax payers would be grateful when the final assessments were slightly lower. This is akin to the federal government’s stunt of quadrupling the annual deficit, then bragging about their plans to cut the deficit in half, leaving the final amount only twice what it has been in recent years. We can only hope the investigation proceeds a little faster than the strung-out investigation of former Sheriff Bill Smith, a former winner, and frequent dishonorable mention (see below.)

The first member of the Camden County Board of Assessors to contact the Clarion Issue at www.clarionish.com will become eligible for the valuable prizes which accompany the award; however, a photo-op is required at the time the award and prizes are presented.

Honorable mention is only that because the scope and effect of their failures is much more limited. The St. Marys Ethics Commission is almost completely dysfunctional, and might as well disband. The Commission received a complaint against a Council member, and dismissed it for lack of evidence. When the complaint was re-filed, with the supporting evidence, it was dismissed on the basis that it had previously been dismissed. When the subject of that complaint filed a new complaint against the Council members who colluded to violate the Open Meetings law, so many Commission members recused themselves that the Commission could not get a quorum to consider the complaint. In other words, all it takes to beat the law is enough members of the Council to agree to flout it!

A quick check on a few past winners shows slow progress on the cleanup of the old paper mill in St. Marys. LandMar, the 2006 winner, was left holding the bag on this land deal faux pas, has pulled an “Elvis,” and left the building site. Today it seems a series of various “contractors” ease in and out doing various jobs and moving on. The latest seems to be a Florida contractor crushing the concrete to be recycled into roads in the Sunshine State. Many St. Marys residents still believe the real toxic chemical damage to the site, the chemicals stashed underground, has not been adequately dealt with by the “clean up” at the mill. When will the citizens of the nation’s “second oldest city” get a real answer from its city or county government on this issue? Who are these companies and whose making the money at the mill site on these deals? When will the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) be called in for a real study and clean up? Inquiring minds want to know!

The St. Marys City Council received last year’s award for their role in the give-away of the St. Marys City Airport to the north end of the county. The City Council, the Sea Island Corp., and various other county officials and attorneys pushed a deal to move the airport spending almost $50,000 of federal, state, and local money studying possible relocation sites. They then chose the worst, most expensive, and most distant of the nine sites from the city, evidently based solely on an agreement between city officials and the Sea Island Corp, the owner of the chosen site. It now appears the Tarboro International Airport will soon be a reality. At this airport flocks of geese at the end of the runway are not the real danger, but pilots had better beware of wild hogs and the infamous 150 pound Tarboro armadillo known to haunt the area.

Meanwhile building has stopped and the company gone bust at the 2005 winner, Cumberland Palms (a.k.a. Fiddler Flats), off North River Causeway in St. Marys. The ‘marsh front’ (that is gum-palmetto swamp front) property that idiots were supposed to pay $500,000 to 850,000 a home for is another example of over building and over pricing in the area. As part of the plan, the builders installed a large wall, which would keep any rising floodwaters or a tidal surge from a hurricane inside the site, ricocheting back and forth, compounding the damage to the condominiums. Today the beautifully landscaped area outside the wall is growing a fine crop of coffee weeds making the site a major eyesore. Perhaps the Clarion Issue Inc. can pick up this property cheap; it will make a great site for our planned alligator farm and alligator petting zoo. Thanks to the city’s generosity toward builders and contractors, water and sewerage are in place while some areas with real taxpayers wait for service.


FARTS AND FLORALS

FARTS TO THE FORMER SHERIFF- Bill Smith for misspending over $660,000 in federal funds. The misspent cash was discovered in a federal audit covering a period from July 2004, to April 2008. It now appears the new sheriff must make restitution to the federal government for Bill Smith’s good ol’ boy spread the cash system, ultimately cutting his departments ability to serve and protect the citizens of Camden County.

FLORALS AND CONGRATULATIONS TO THE COASTAL CAMDEN ART LEAGUE- for opening a new gallery at 121 N. Lee Street in Kingsland. The gallery features local artists and displays and sells paints, pottery, photography, jewelry and many other artistic genres. The gallery is open from 11 a.m. until 5 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday. The group also has a gallery and studio with classes the St. Marys shopping center near Hardee’s. Call (912) 673-0102 for more information.

FARTS TO ST MARYS WATER AND SEWER DEPARTMENT- What does Bank of America and the St Marys City Water and Sewer Department have in common? They have both stepped or moved up their billing cycles. Bank of America has moved up its credit card billing cycle to a bill every 29 days. The St Marys City Water and Sewer Department have moved their bills from around the 10th of the month to sometimes before the beginning of the month. One has to wonder is the City of St Marys in the same financial difficulties as the Bank of America? No wonder the fine folks at the City of St. Marys Planning and Building Department persist on insisting the Clarion Issue is a business, has employees, and charges the Clarion Issue over $100 for a business license every year.

FARTS TO THE CITY GOVERNMENT OF WOODBINE- for their water drainage ditch project. The project has left the city full of stagnant ditches, scarred and bumpy roads, and unsightly landscapes reminiscent of a World War I battlefield. Evidently the project was designed by Hieronymus Bosch and drainage into the Big Satilla River was not approved by the Environmental Protection Division (EPD) of the Georgia Department of Natural Resources or the Army Corps of Engineers. Citizen comments on the Woodbine blog also suspect the ditches have and will add thousands to the city budget while becoming a breading ground for mosquitoes, mosquito related illnesses, and other water borne illnesses. The Clarion Issue would also like to dispel the rumor that the Woodbine ditch program is part of a remake of Gone With The Wind (the Battle of Atlanta sequence) costarring Joe “You Lie” Wilson of South Carolina and Kanye “Jackass” West in the epic story of the South.

FLORALS TO HABITAT FOR HUMANITY- for building two houses for the less fortunate in Camden County over the last year. Congratulations to immediate past president Dr. Mary Keating, new president Leonie Pinnell, and all the HFH staff and volunteers for a job well done. To volunteer or donate to this worthy cause visit their office at 302 S. Lee in Kingsland or their website at www.hfhcamden.org . For more information call 912-673-1266 or contact them by e-mail at info@hfhcamden.org . You may also visit the Re-store for items from new to recycled appliances, furniture, or building materials. The group works on houses on Saturdays from 8:00-3:00, except during inclement weather. Lunch is provided.

FARTS TO THOSE NEW FANGLED MULTICOLOR NEON SIGNS NEAR THE ROAD- especially those at roadside/eye level. With cell phones, iPods, texting, tweeter, sodas, Big Macs, and all the bells and whistles now in our automobiles do we really need more distractions designed to take our eyes of the road? Look for more accidents, especially on Coleraine Road at the intersection of N. Gross Road. There is a great example of this type of signage there.

FLORALS TO THE CAMDEN WATCHDOG COMMITTEE- a group of citizens working to keep local taxes low and local politicians frugal with tax payer dollars. The Watchdog Committee is a non-partisan organization formed when tax assessments went through the roof in St. Marys. The watchdogs warn against public apathy and encourage individuals to join their group so ‘watchdogs’ can attend every governmental meeting in the county, be it county or municipal, to keep an eye on attempts to raise taxes and to check on wasteful governmental spending. The Camden Watchdog Committee has a web site at www.camdenwatchdog.com where interested citizens can obtain information on their meetings and activities.

FARTS TO THE CAMDEN COUNTY COMMISSIONERS- who took too long to look into the shenanigans going on inside the County Tax Assessors office and the Board of Assessors. The untimely rise in the property values in the county plus Governor Perdue’s suspension of the homestead exemption will mean excessive tax burdens for all Camden residents. The decision of the Commissioners to look into the problem is too little and comes too late for any type of tax help this year. Of course, the county should make a killing with the higher assessments and the suspended homestead exemptions. Maybe that was the plan all along! Perhaps we need a new definition for incumbent during the next election. Incumbent- v. grab another lever or press another button.

FARTS TO THE ST MARYS CITY COUNCIL- for blowing $14,000 on a consulting group for ideas to bring tourists and business to St. Marys. For the mere cost of $14,000 the group suggested a name change of the “second oldest city” from St. Marys to Saint Marys. For a lot less the Clarion Issue would have gladly made suggestions to the city council to bring tourists and business into the city. St. Marys could host activities such as a fishing tournament. But we had one, which we had to send away. City Hall and city scuttlebutt has it this was due to a scheduling faux pas when a wedding was scheduled at the waterfront park on the same weekend as the fishing tournament. St. Marys lost thousands of dollars in sales of gas, ice, bait, restaurant meals, and rent on hotel rooms. St. Marys may never get the tournament back. As the Clarion Issue so often points out, the city is not business friendly. If you ain’t a land developer or restaurant ‘go to Kingsland’ seems to be the city’s motto toward business. A good calendar and a better approach toward business may help tourism and business in the “second oldest city.”
P.S. Keeping a bait store at the waterfront might be a plus also.

FARTS TO DEVELOPERS- who don’t pay their taxes. After all the local municipalities and county governments have done to provide utility services (like water and sewer services) to these developments the least these developers can do is pay their taxes. Everyone, especially regular citizens, are seeing their taxes go up and are finding it hard to pay their taxes. Developers have taken from the local governments, now they too must pay.


FARTS TO ANOTHER TAD (Tax Allocation District) VOTE- this time for Laurel Island. Do we really need this?

DOUBLE FARTS TO GEORGIA GOVERNOR SONNY PERDUE- first for the stupidity of the teacher furlough and second for the homestead exemption nullification this year. During a time when Georgia schools were trying to open their doors for a new school our Governor called for teacher furloughs of three days to save the state’s money. When teachers are trying to hold meetings, arrange their rooms, secure supplies and textbooks, become aware of Swine flu contingency plans, and even hold open house the governor furloughs them in the name of saving a few dollars of state money. Of course we all know “teachers make too much money anyway.” All Georgians should also thank the governor and the state’s General Assembly for suspending the Homestead Exemption for this year. Look for your property taxes, if you own a typical home, to be about $230 more than last year, assuming the millage and property assessment remain the same. The governor cannot run again; however, the members of the General Assembly sure will, so fill out a faux pas memory card on this blunder fellow Georgians, take it to the polls in November 2010, and when Sonny runs for another public office.

ONCE AGAIN A SPECIAL THANKS AND A CLARION ISSUE TIP OF THE HAT- to all the local law enforcement agents, emergency medical personnel, firefighters, and all the other first responders who keep our roads, recreation areas, and homes safe from those things that go “bump in the night.” Another special thanks and tip of the hat to those who are serving in our armed forces and to those who have served, we appreciate your service and sacrifice.