THE FIFTH, FIRST ANNUAL THATHLOTHLAGUPHKA AWARD ANNOUNCED BY THE CLARION ISSUE

By R. A. Pearson and other staff members

Each year the Clarion Issue presents the Annual Thathlothlaguphka Award. The Thathlothlaguphka Award is a local award for abject stupidity, general idiocy, or total incompetence, given to a local official, body politic, or politically connected contractor or company whose actions have negatively affected the people in the area. The name Thathlothlaguphka comes from the Native American name for the St. Marys River and means “smells like rotten fish.” The Jefferson Muzzle Awards, presented by the Thomas Jefferson Center for the Protection of Free Expression, and the Ig Nobel Prizes, presented by the Harvard Computer Society, the Harvard-Radcliffe Society of Physics Students, and the Darwin Awards have served as the models for the Clarion Issue’s Thathlothlaguphka Award.

This year’s Thathlothlaguphka Award goes to the St. Marys City Council, for their role in the movement to relocate the St. Marys City Airport. Unindicted corecipients in this honor go to the Sea Island Corp., and various other county officials and attorneys who pushed the deal and hid important facts from Camden County voters in the recent referendum on the Airport move.

The city officials wasted money and stalled any progress in airport improvement for over six years while flip-flopping on whether or not to actually go forward on relocating the airport. They spent almost $50,000 of federal, state, and local money studying possible relocation sites and then choose the worst, most expensive, and most distant of the nine sites proposed based solely on an agreement between city officials and the Sea Island Corp, the owner of the chosen site. The City Council voted to reopen the Airport Relocation Project refusing to solicit or consider input from the city’s airport authority, which is charged with airport operation, as advised by the city attorney and the mayor.

The City Council promised the citizens of St. Marys the airport would only be relocated if it could be done at no cost to the city. Moreover, they did so after being informed by the Federal Aviation Administration that the city would be required to pay back to the FAA an amount equal to the fair market value of the present airport, an amount estimated to be in excess of $5,000,000, after the airport is relocated.

Basically, the City Council is trying to give up the St. Marys Airport for one on Sea Island Corp. property in Woodbine, approximately 30 minutes drive away, hoping to create an industrial park or some other large business concerns where the airport now stands. However, what does St. Marys really have to offer these industries? The interstate is ten miles away with heavy traffic at times. The railroad is antiquated and goes nowhere near the property. A quick look at lack of occupancy in the semi-industrial parks on Industrial Drive and Douglas Drive should tell anyone major industries are not interested in St. Marys.

The City Council is very short sighted and they fail to see the value of a good airport to the growth of the community, one they hope to see based on tourism and pleasant golfing communities. Let’s keep and improve our airport.

Honorable mention for this august award goes to the fine folks at the City of St. Marys Planning and Building Department who persist on insisting the Clarion Issue is a business and has employees. While the Clarion Issue is a dormant corporation, we do not conduct business, we do not sell advertising and have not for over a year, and we provide our highly informative and stimulating newsletter to the public free of charge. While we may not mind paying the $75 initial fee for business license, we totally disagree with the premise the Clarion Issue has any employees. All staff and contributors work free of charge. The Planning and Building Department continues to insist that the editor is an employee, and must pay an additional $33 although he receives no salary and pays all printing costs, incidental expenses, and the cost of the ClarionIssue.net website out of his own pocket. This newsletter has always maintained the City of St. Marys has presented a negative attitude toward business in the area and operated in a totally mercantile manner toward its citizens and merchants with totally oppressive fees, fines, and surcharges whenever it felt it could gouge the public. It is no wonder all big business interest and stores located in Kingsland where the government was more business friendly. “Welcome to St. Marys, the Nation’s Second Oldest City. If You Ain’t A Land Developer Look Elsewhere!”

The winner receives a Thathlothlaguphka Award certificate, a Clarion Issue bar stick, an I HATE THE CLARION ISSUE tee shirt, a $25 bar tab from The Island Bar and Grill on Hwy 40, and a $25 lunch from Lucky Dawgs, Love At First Bite, on Point Peter Rd. We thank our sponsors for their support in the presentation of this prestigious award.

A quick check on a few past winners and honorable mentions shows LandMar, the 2006 winner, lost its bid to have a tax allocation district created in St. Marys by a whopping four to one vote in Camden County. Clean up for the site, which began a break neck speed while the vote was in the works, has all but slowed to a crawl with no word on progress of clean up of the ground water, a real concern for many St. Marys residents. As LandMar vacillates on what to do with the property, St. Marys must endure this eyesore on its historic landscape.

Honorable mention for 2006 was the company trying to build Marsh Arbors on Dilworth St. in St. Marys. They advertised a “Gated community featuring stunning water view 2,900+ sq. feet condominiums with oversized wrap-around terraces,” starting at around $400,000. They promise a neighborhood offering a marsh view of gorgeous sunsets, a pool & spa, immaculately landscaped grounds and a 390 ft. marsh walk with exquisite nighttime lighting. However, it seems the enterprise is stuck in the sand, but at least that is a few acres of marshland that will not be over developed for a while. There is only one building there at present and a mighty fine crop of coffee weeds growing that may soon block the view of those gorgeous sunsets for people taking a late afternoon walk along Dilworth St.

Meanwhile building is proceeding at the 2005 winner, Cumberland Palms (a.k.a. Fiddler Flats), off North River Causeway in St. Marys, the ‘marsh front’ (that is gum-palmetto swamp front) property that idiots are paying $500,000 to 850,000 a home for. Keep an eye on this property. As part of the plan the builders have now installed a large wall, which will keep any rising floodwaters or tidal surge from a hurricane inside the site, ricocheting back and forth, compounding the damage to the condominiums on the site. After the first hurricane, the residents should sell out cheap, and it will make a great site for an alligator farm and alligator petting zoo for any entrepreneur interested in such an endeavor.

FARTS AND FLORALS

FARTS TO THE OUTGOING CAMDEN COUNTY SHERIFF- Evidence seems to point to the fact the sheriff has used seized drug assets over the years pay for inmates to work on private property, establish college scholarships, and donate to Camden nonprofits. These actions were a direct violation of federal guidelines stating the federal forfeiture money, returned to counties based on drug arrests, is to be used only for law enforcement purposes such as equipment, jails or training. They expressly say the funds are not to be used for the department's general operational costs or in any way that gives the appearance of extravagance, waste or impropriety. There is also the allegation of $4,000 in retainer fees for a Brunswick lawyer hired as a private attorney for the sheriff from the funds. The sheriff got a big fart from the voters of Camden County in the recent primary election. One thing is for sure; there will be a new sheriff in town on January 1, 2009.

FLORALS TO THE MAYOR OF ST. MARYS- The mayor cast a tie breaking vote after a three to three split by the City Council to double the salary of the council from $500 to $1,000 a month. That is a 100% increase in salary for the city fathers (or city persons to be politically correct). With the outrageous fees and taxes imposed by the mercantilist government of the ‘nation’s second oldest city’ the government needs to be cutting salaries not raising them! Who do they think they are? Congress?

FARTS TO THE RED LIGHT WITHOUT TURN ARROWS AT THE HOSPITAL ON KINGS BAY RD.- Who ever designed this monstrosity took a page from the Hieronymus Bosch playbook. The red-light was unnecessary in the first place; however, it lacks protected left turn lights needed to make a left turn either onto Lake Shore Dr. to the hospital and doctors offices there, or onto Winding Rd. to go to the doctors offices, labs, and other offices in the business center there. The Red light creates another hazard to replace the one it supposedly fixes, even though the intersection has left turn lanes. A turn arrow is certainly needed at this intersection. However, the Clarion Issue will issue a FLORAL to the total stoppage of traffic on the right turn at the red light at the Wal-mart/Hwy 40 intersection. This does slow down the flow of traffic on Hwy. 40 west of the red-light somewhat; however, it is still difficult to turn left from a business onto Hwy. 40 especially during rush hour traffic. While this newsletter is opposed to the proliferation of red lights in the area, a red light at the K-Mart/Publix Shopping Center would help alleviate this problem.

FARTS TO THE WORST EXAMPLE OF SIGNALIZATION IN THE COUNTY, THE RED LIGHT AT COLERAIN RD. AND GROSS RD.- Some people will think of it as Laurel Island Parkway, but it is no parkway, and does not pass within gunshot of Laurel Island. It was renamed by the City of Kingsland solely to promote their municipal golf course, of which they are trying to dispose. While poorly serving a dubious purpose for 15 minutes twice a day, the rest of the time it is an active impediment to the smooth flow of traffic. This is because, although intelligent signal controllers are widely available, the present controller is as ignorant as the people who impelled its installation, without ordering the other design changes to the intersection which the light installation required to make it effective. The light turns red on the major pathway every 45 seconds, regardless of whether there is cross-traffic, so you have a 50-50 chance of being stopped, whether or not there is a need. From Gross Road, you can sit for up to 45 seconds, in the complete absence of traffic on Colerain. And during peak hours, traffic backs up a mile in each direction on Colerain because there are no left turn lanes.

FARTS TO THE CAMDEN COUNTY AND GEORGIA COURT SYSTEM- The Camden County and Georgia Court system still pays $25 a day for jury duty. With the rising cost of gas and food the juror stipend does not cover the cost of travel and lunch for someone to ‘perform their duty as a citizen.’ This fee does not even meet Federal minimum wage guidelines. Many jobs still do not pay for time lost from work for jury duty. Anyone would agree the jury stipend should be increased.

FLORALS TO HABITAT FOR HUMANITY for building three houses for the less fortunate in Camden County over the last year. Congratulations to immediate past president Rev. Frank Logue, president Dr. Mary Keating, Steve Woolsey Vice Pres., and all the HFH staff and volunteers for a job well done. To volunteer or donate to this worthy cause visit their office at 100 Miller Street in Saint Marys, or their website at www.hfhcamden.org . For more information call 912-673-1266 or contact them by e-mail at info@hfhcamden.org . The group works on houses on Saturdays from 9-3, except during inclement weather. Lunch is provided.


FARTS TO VARIOUS MEMBERS OF THE CITY GOVERNMENT OF WOODBINE, GA. who in the minds of many Woodbine residents seem to be spending too much money deciding how to spend money on the city. The controversy centers around the City of Woodbine’s master plan and the fact the city fathers (or city persons to be politically correct) was bid out to a planning company (Wood+Partners) for $241,000 when there were lower bids available. Also at play is the fact the city used SPLOST funds for the contract, a fact many citizens feel was imprudent and some feel may have been illegal. There seems to be many allegations of possible shady shindigs, shenanigans, wrongdoings, and abject stupidity by some city leaders on the new Woodbine Blog, which pulls no punches and names plenty of ‘co-conspirators’ in this ongoing controversy. A Clarion Issue Tip of the Hat to Gregg Brenner who set up and manages the Woodbine Blog with a little help from his friends. Now the people of Woodbine, can voice their opinions on line and read the opinions of others. Furthermore, if they are smart, the city leaders will look in from time to time to see how the political winds are blowing. The Woodbine Blog can be found at www.woodbinegeorgia.blogspot.com . Here are a few acronyms you may find helpful if you plan to take a peek at the blog: COWM-City of Woodbine Mayor (Burford Clark) and COWA- City of Woodbine Administrator (Sandy Rayson).

FLORALS TO THE EMTs AND FIREFIGHTERS of the area, not only for being there doing their jobs during our emergencies, but for working to “fill the boot” for various charities during the year. A special Clarion Issue Tip of the Hat to firefighter Chris Martin who will ride in the 150-mile fundraiser ‘Bike to the Shore’ to raise money to fight Multiple Sclerosis later this September.